As good as it gets...

As I sit here at work this daylight savings night (yes, that means I am working an extra hour while everyone gets an extra hour of sleep!), I am thinking about how much my life has changed in the past year. It is amazing to think about how different my life is now. Instead of worrying when I'm going to get pregnant, and HOW I'm going to get pregnant, and if I do get pregnant will I be able to carry the baby, I am now a worrying mother of an almost 15 week old baby boy who I love and adore more than anything in the world. My thoughts used to consist of nothing but of my infertility woes, and now my thoughts consist of nothing but Matthew.

I do not get sad anymore when I hear of other pregnancies. Thank goodness because I swear I know at least 10 people who are pregnant now. At least. I feel happy for them now. I don't get sad when I see a pregnant lady now. I feel happy for them. I don't feel sad when I see a little baby. I smile at them and think how sweet! It is so nice to have those type of normal reactions to things like that. I hate that that is the way I felt before, but as with all infertiles and those with multiple miscarriages, it is a normal reaction.

I don't think I will ever forget or "get over" my experience with infertility and miscarriages. I honestly don't want too. Now, I think it gives me a positive outlook on life. Things that would bother most people about having a little baby don't bother me as much I think. Getting up once and twice a night, and losing at least 1 to 2 hours a night doesn't bother me. I am human and yes I do have my days - esp. if I have lost alot of sleep from working nights, etc and all I want to do is sleep but I can't!. ;)

I was looking around my den yesterday and looking at the baby toys and blanket on my floor and thinking, "Oh my God, there is baby stuff in my house". It's funny that I still have that reaction to things like that. I still look at Matthew when he's laying on me and think how he was curled up in my belly - and how miraculous it was that he was in there at all.

So much has changed in the past year: I have been through an entire pregnancy, I've had a baby, I've changed jobs, I've graduated with my Master's degree (MSN), we've put our house on the market and are trying to relocate back to Williamston, and I know I've said that I've had a baby but I should also include that I became a mother because that emcompasses more than just having a baby.

A year ago, I could not have imagined that in a year I would be only working weekends so I could stay at home with my son. I could not have imagined that I would be so excited about moving back to Williamston. I could not imagine that I would have a 3 month old baby. If myself now could time travel to myself then to tell myself this, I would not have believed it. lol

Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of weeks - I have so much to be thankful for that I think it will have so much more meaning than it ever has.

How did this become my life?? ;)

Oh, P.S. I haven't mentioned how awesome my husband is, but he's pretty awesome. ;)